Wednesday, September 29, 2010
It's really no coincidence that Jesus spoke to His followers about anxiety, for He knows it's a struggle that we, as finite people, deal with on a daily basis. Mark Twain once said, "I have suffered many things in my life, most of which have never happened." We grasp at what we cannot control, and so out of our fear of living in the moment and living entirely in grace, we seek to construct a world in our mind that we can "control" or at least seemingly prepare some sort of defense.
And it seems to me, the more I grow in wholeness and recovery, that worry is truly a choice I make. At any given moment, there are a million things I could worry about and freak out about and i spent most of my life doing just that. But what good has that ever done?
There is a 12 step quote that states, "Worry does not rob tomorrow of its problems, it robs today of its strength." How true that is. Perhaps what we don't realize is that faith is strengthened by the choice to trust when we have a chance to worry. When I forget who I am, that I am the Father's little girl and that He loves me and cares for me, its easy to worry and buy into the lie that I am all alone and need to control things- people, places and events. I don't need to control things, most of life is out of "my control" anyway (thank God!).
Many times, what I need to do is take a deep breath and ask the Holy Spirit to help me face what I am afraid of. Why do I worry? Because I am afraid. If I can pray for the grace to face my fears, then i won't need to worry. Will we ever do this perfectly? Of course not and that's not the point. The point is to grow in love and intimacy with the One who loves us and longs for us.
Maybe learning to trust feels like we are trying to fly without wings-- our worries can actually become our "friends" and "comfort us" because trusting and letting go seems so foreign and uncomfortable but we know a life of deep surrender and openness to God is possible, if only we are willing to let go....